Friday, May 18, 2012

on matter~

Did we used to say "I'm matter"? and then just shortened it to "I matter"?
Because, truly, I am matter. You're matter. We all take up and inherently are matter. Nothing but and everything matter.
I matter.
I matter because I breathe. And with each particle of oxygen that I inhale, with each carbon attached to two oxygens that I exhale, I matter. I matter because I take up space. My many cells, down to every nucleus of every atom inside myself, takes up space. My space. It creates space. And space wouldn't matter...without matter. Just like you can't define community without the individual because individuals make up the group that makes up the community. And vice versa. You can't have the individual without the community because you wouldn't have even differentiated the individual apart from the community had you not noted a collection of people standing there together in the first place. There's no place for loners and isolationists in the world. This beautiful world in which everything works together, goes together, comes together even when we don't like it. This is, at heart, the nature of Fibonacci's logarithmic spiral.
What I'm trying to say here mostly is that I'm over this whole I Don't Matter phase of my life.
I do matter.
Because I am matter.
It's my matter, and your matter, and we're all the same matter. So let's all stop acting like some people matter more than other people matter.
Do you see how, when you repeat a word over and over, it takes on a new sound, a new shape, a new feeling on our tongue and stops to, dare I say, matter?
This is why we need to be careful with our words. To see our tongues as double edged swords; simultaneously a gift and a curse. If we're not careful, they can do great harm. But if we never open our mouths on the other hand...we cannot speak what's on our hearts, simply put: the heart of the matter.
So today, I do that. I do just that. I let the words that leave my many-particled and somewhat shattered-but-still-whole heart speak my matter. All of it. Nothing less. I release it into the air to take up space and literally become me outside of myself. That's how we're all connected. You're breathing me in and I'm breathing you in. We're all taking in each other's matters, whether we like it or not. This is why saying "it doesn't matter" means nothing. Things matter---have matter. Even when we say they don't. And I've found especially, when people say "it doesn't matter"--- it's usually about the things that matter to them the most.

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