Wednesday, January 22, 2014

money can't buy my love~

He never did come.
After a lot of confusion and misleading conversations, I realized he never wanted to come. Not here at least.
Everything has to be on his terms. Most would jump at the terms:
I'll fly you and your family here. You can stay in the same hotel. I'll take you all over the place. 
Translation:
I'm uncomfortable and need some semblance of control. If you let me pay for everything and determine our entire schedule, I can more easily steer the conversational topics. I can tell you I have plans I have to attend to. You won't have any plans because you'll be on my clock.

You might think I'm overreacting. Sounds like a nice offer, right?
I hardly know this man. He abandoned me as a baby. I have never met him. Simply put, I don't believe it's too much to ask that he meet me in a place that does not involve a logistical nightmare to bring my entire family with 3 days notice. He is one man. Who also has a personal assistant and a driver. I am technically an undetachable 2 member party. And I can't meet my birthfather for the first time alone with my toddler. I need some help. So that makes me a 3 member party.
We live very, very different lives, needless to say.

From the get-go of finding him, he has thrown money at me. Lavish gifts, the offering of cash I have continued to refuse, asking me to visit him in cities any person would like to visit. But I cannot accept any of it. Somehow getting to any city I live in is impossible for him, though. I hardly know this man. He abandoned me as a baby. I have never met him. I'm not asking too much. Or am I? He's still running from me, 33 years later.

My life is comfortable. We're not rich, but have never wanted to be. Frankly, I don't really like rich people and if ever I was a wealthy woman, you can be sure I'd be putting my money where my mouth has been all these years. And it wouldn't be on mansions or fancy cars or vacations in the Maldives.
You can hold me to that, trust me.

He told me that he still sensed sensitivity about...our situation... and that the time had come to let it go.
Wait, what?
I hardly know this man. He abandoned me as a baby. I have never met him. I'm not asking too much.

But you can be fucking sure if I asked him for money, he'd hand it over to his bastard in a heartbeat.


1 comment:

  1. You already know this, but of course you're not overreacting, nor asking too much.

    How hard is it to get to Pittsburgh? Easiest, most pleasant place to be, even in the cold and snow.

    You are a very wise and strong woman, dear lady.

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